This is the second post in my “taking ownership” series and tonight I’m talking a bit about friendship. I can be a better friend admittedly, and I used to believe that my mental health and psychological issues were the reason I tend to be this way. But I think the truth is I just don’t know how to be a good friend. Maybe because I never had friends growing up I didn’t have the responsibility of reciprocation and giving back.
Maybe I’m being too hard on myself too. I can be a good friend, however I have one friend I tend to butt heads with a lot regarding my spirituality and spiritual life. I sometimes wonder why she puts up with me and why I’m worth it. And “L” I know you read my blog so I hope you don’t mind…
I have the power to be a better friend to “L” but I think I need to stop over-worrying and just let life happen. I’m not patient by any stretch of the imagination and I want things to happen ASAP. I think thats why I’m not good with spirituality because I haven’t learned the value of patience. Tonight, Veles and Freyja are both teaching me that.
I’m also learning I can’t rely on “L” 24/7 to hold my hand regarding my life and spirituality. I think I stress her out doing this and it makes me guilty. But instead of feeling the guilt I can always just…stop. It’s basically time to hit the books. Now that I KNOW where I want to be spiritually it’s time to start learning and studying. On my own. “L” taught me I don’t need anyone’s permission on how to do my spirituality. Let the BOOKS be my dogma. Let the books be my gatekeeper. I’m lazy and I need to start taking full ownership of myself, my actions and my life.
“L” if you’re reading this: I’m sorry I can be a real pain in the neck. It’s time I change and it happens now. Thanks for coming along for the ride. It means a lot.
Hearth Fire Hag 